Quotes to demonstrate how humour and positivity go hand in hand

Get a little positivity and a humour in your life with these great quotes curated by the Flyeread review team.

“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.” — Ellen DeGeneres

“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” — Earl Wilson

“If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.” — Lawrence Ferlinghetti

“Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.” — Groucho Marx

“I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.” — Rodney Dangerfield

“The road to success is always under construction.” — Lily Tomlin

“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” — Dalai Lama

“If you love something set it free, but don’t be surprised if it comes back with herpes.” — Chuck Palahniuk

“War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.” — Ambrose Bierce

“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” — George Burns

“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” — Robin Williams

“I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.” — Ron White

“Life begins at 40 – but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.” — Helen Rowland

“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” — Phyllis Diller

“The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.” — Fred Allen

“A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: ‘Duh.'” — Conan O’Brien

“Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away.” — Benjamin Franklin

“Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?… He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!” — Billy Connolly

“When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. I’m beginning to believe it.” — Clarence Darrow

“Inside me there’s a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes.” — Bob Thaves

“It’s always darkest before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.” — Navjot Singh Sidhu

“Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much.” — Oscar Wilde

“Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.” — Rita Mae Brown

“We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness — and call it love — true love.” — Robert Fulghum

If you love all things comedy and humour, you will love the hilarious podcasts, eBooks and more at Flyeread.