Literature’s Funniest Quotes

Here are some quotes from books that we, the Flyeread review team, think are amusing, and we hope you think so too.

To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness — The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde

Multiple exclamation marks are a sure sign of a diseased mind — Eric by Terry Pratchett

He receives comfort like cold porridge — The Tempest by William Shakespeare

Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness — Letters from a Stoic by Seneca

…answers Molly, gleefully yet wholly inadequately; her skills more akin to the baking of macaroons than solving the complexities of the universe. — Charles Middleworth by Guy Portman

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer. — The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

‘There are moments, Jeeves, when one asks oneself, ‘Do trousers matter?’

‘The mood will pass, sir.’ — The Code of the Woosters by P.G. Wodehouse

Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly. — The Unabridged Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce

It’s just a penis, right? Probably no worse for you than smoking. — When You Are Engulfed in Flames by David Sedaris

Nick Naylor had been called many things since becoming the chief spokesman for the Academy of Tobacco Studies, but until now no one had actually compared him to Satan. — Thank You For Smoking by Christopher Buckley

As a boy, I wanted to be a train. — Machine Man by Max Barry

I write this sitting in the kitchen sink. — I Capture the Castle by Dodie Smith

If not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled. – The Code of the Woosters by P.G. Wodehouse

One press of a button and this degenerate goes to the cremator to the sound of Celine Dion’s dismal wails — Necropolis by Guy Portman

It can hardly be a coincidence that no language on earth has ever produced the expression ‘As pretty as an airport. — The Long Dark Tea-time of the Soul by Douglas Adams

You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think. — The Collected Dorothy Parker by Dorothy Parker

The trouble with modern education is you never know how ignorant people are.— Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh

Patience – A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue. — The Unabridged Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce

‘Matteo’s not that type of Italian,’ replies Fraser. ‘He’s more the sort you come across in southern cities like Bari and Pescara, dragging an Alsatian around by a tattered piece of string.’ — Necropolis by Guy Portman

For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen. — The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams For more funny content, check out Flyeread today.

Great comedies to watch tonight

Count on the Flyeread review team to handpick the best comedy movies to keep you entertained. Here are just two of them which we think you will love to watch!

Bad Trip

Raunchy and foul-mouthed, this hidden-camera comedy stars Eric André and Lil Rel Howery on a staged road trip across America to reunite with a fake lost love. Along the way they stop for pranks that pull real people unknowingly into the uncomfortable action. Tiffany Haddish, the sister who busted out of jail only to find that they took her car without asking, is hot on their tail. This is a must-see comedy but certainly not for the faint of heart.

Plan B

Straightlaced high schooler Lupe, played by Teen Wolf‘s Victoria Moroles, has to hunt down a morning-after pill with her slacker friend in America’s conservative heartland. Directed by Dead to Me actress Natalie Morales, this movie is great for parents who need to talk with their kids about pregnancy, but in a cool way.

For more great comedy, head over to Flyeread today.

Famous one lines from famous films

If you are looking for a bit of good humour, you will love these lines from famous comedies over the years, curated by the Flyeread review team.

The Breakfast Club 1985

Did I stutter?

Eat my shorts.

Long before Bart Simpson used “Eat my shorts” as an insult and “Did I Stutter?” became an episode of “The Office,” Judd Nelson immortalized both phrases as the bad boy Bender in the John Hughes classic.

Pee-wee’s Big Adventure 1985

I’m a loner, Dottie, a rebel.

Be sure and tell ’em Large Marge sent ya.

In truth, no phrase really captures the infectious nature of Paul Reubens’s title character the way his froggy voice and honking laugh do. Kids couldn’t help mimicking Pee-wee’s signature sounds, especially as the character’s empire spread to sequels and a Saturday-morning TV series.

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off 1986

Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

Bueller . . . Bueller . . . Bueller

Here’s another taste of John Hughes’s mastery of meme-able dialogue. With “life moves pretty fast,” he inspired countless high school seniors with the perfect yearbook quote. Meanwhile, Ferris’s last name has become increasingly useful in our phone-obsessed times; a quick succession of Buellers is a good way to telegraph that you’re tired of being ignored.

The Princess Bride 1987

Inconceivable!

Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

Mawwiage is what bwings us togethah today.

As you wish

Rob Reiner’s delightful adventure has a useful phrase for just about every occasion, whether you’re attending a wedding, settling an old score or in a perpetual state of shock, the way Wallace Shawn’s Vizzini was every time he declared a situation “inconceivable!”

If you love humour, check out all the funny content at Flyeread today.

Great comic lines to read and make you smile

If you love a good chuckle then you will love these funny lines from some pretty funny people, curated by the Flyeread review team.

“A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.” – H. L. Mencken

“The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.” – Harlan Ellison

“It’s only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames.” – Harry Hill

“It’s a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours.” – Harry S. Truman

“Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.” – Helen Rowland

“Life begins at 40 – but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.” – Helen Rowland

“I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” – Henny Youngman

“If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.” – Henny Youngman

“All men are equal before fish.” – Herbert Hoover

“If I want to knock a story off the front page, I just change my hairstyle.” – Hillary Clinton

“You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is ‘never try.'” – Homer Simpson

“My grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there was much less competition.” – Indira Gandhi

“People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” – Isaac Asimov

“I’d rather have 1% of the effort of 100 men than 100% of my own effort.” – J. Paul Getty

“My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.” – Jack Benny

“When we talk to God, we’re praying. When God talks to us, we’re schizophrenic.” – Jane Wagner

“Men are like shoes. Some fit better than others. And sometimes you go out shopping and there’s nothing you like. And then, as luck would have it, the next week you find two that are perfect, but you don’t have the money to buy both.” – Janet Evanovich

“According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man’s best friend is his dog.” – Jay Leno

“Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?” – Jay Leno

“My pessimism extends to the point of even suspecting the sincerity of other pessimists.” – Jean Rostand

For plenty more humour content, check out Flyeread today.

Best Funny Novels

With so much going on in the world, sometimes you want to relax and have a good laugh. There are many novels out there that you can find on Flyeread that can make you laugh. However, here are some of the best funny novels around to make your day brighter.

The Adulterants by Joe Dunthorne (2018)

This book revolves around a couple trying to get themselves on the property ladder at the time of the London riots in 2011. You might not feel this is a funny subject, but Dunthorne has a quick wit and way with words that will make you laugh out loud. You can also see other Joe Dunthorne novels and poetry on Flyeread.

My Sister, the Serial Killer by Oyinkan Braithwaite (2018)

Not a subject you would think lends itself to comedy, but this book about a brother and his sister who keeps killing her boyfriends, has tons of dark humour. Both the siblings live in Lagos, Nigeria, and the sister asks for help from her brother after she kills her third boyfriend.

Delete At Your Peril by Bob Servant (2007)

This hilarious book about the pitfalls of internet scams is just what you need if you get constantly bombarded by such problems. Servant is a former window cleaner who tries to take these scammers and lead them down his own path. There are times when you wonder how he has managed to create such a trail and get them to follow.

If you want to read more funny novels, check out the collection at Flyeread.

Top Comedy Audiobooks

There is nothing better than reading a funny book, except, maybe, listening to one. There are a ton of comedy audiobooks out there on sites like Flyeread. They can turn a bad day into a good one, especially after a long day at work. Here are some of the top comedy audiobooks around at the moment.

Nomad by Alan Partridge

Written by Steve Coogan along with Neil and Rob Gibbons, this book continues the adventures of Alan Partridge who has been played by Steve Coogan for many years. The fact that you can hear the character reading the book as well, adds to the humor and gives it a depth that reading it might not achieve.

The Life of Lee by Lee Evans

Lee Evans is not just a hugely popular comedian, he has also acted in many movies such as Mousetrap. The UK born funny man is now narrating his own book about his life. There are many laughs in this book, along with a behind-the-scenes look at what made Evans the person he became.

Born a Crime: Stories from a South African Childhood by Trevor Noah

Trevor Noah is best known for the Daily Show which his hosts, but his journey from South Africa to where he is now is both enthralling and funny. He shares 18 of his stories in this audiobook, and each one is a defining moment in his life. You can read the book version on Flyeread.

For more comedy audiobooks check out the library at Flyeread.

New Comedy Movies to Watch in 2021

Could you use a good laugh right about now? These are the perfect films to tickle your funny bone and make your worries disappear, curated by the Flyeread review team.

Barb & Star Go to Vista Del Mar

Lifelong inseparable pals and culottes devotees Barb and Star venture from their Midwestern bubble existence of hot dog soup and ceramic figurines for their first-ever out-of-state vacation. They land at the titular candy-colored, high-energy resort in Florida where everyone isn’t exactly what they seem and they may or may not unwittingly become involved in an evil plot to kill everyone in town.

Coming 2 America 

What’s old is new again in this sequel to the 1980s comedy classic that reunites Eddie Murphy and Arsenio Hall. This time, Prince Akeem is now the king of Zamunda, and he and his trusted advisor Semmi must return to America to find the heir he didn’t know he had produced on his first trip to find a queen in Queens. His son, along with his family (which includes Tracy Morgan and Leslie Jones), then head to Africa so that the new prince can get prepped to someday take the throne.

Marry Me

Jennifer Lopez returns to the rom-com genre and theaters this May as Kat Valdez, a superstar singer who’s set to tie the knot with beau Bastian, himself a Latin music phenomenon (played by real-life Latin music chart-topper Maluma), during a concert and streamed social media event to promote their duet “Marry Me.” But seconds before the brand synergy stunt is set to take place, Kat learns that her groom has been cheating and his side piece is her assistant.

For more great humour, check out everything on offer at Flyeread.