Great comic lines to read and make you smile

If you love a good chuckle then you will love these funny lines from some pretty funny people, curated by the Flyeread review team.

“A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.” – H. L. Mencken

“The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.” – Harlan Ellison

“It’s only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames.” – Harry Hill

“It’s a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours.” – Harry S. Truman

“Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.” – Helen Rowland

“Life begins at 40 – but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.” – Helen Rowland

“I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” – Henny Youngman

“If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.” – Henny Youngman

“All men are equal before fish.” – Herbert Hoover

“If I want to knock a story off the front page, I just change my hairstyle.” – Hillary Clinton

“You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is ‘never try.'” – Homer Simpson

“My grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there was much less competition.” – Indira Gandhi

“People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” – Isaac Asimov

“I’d rather have 1% of the effort of 100 men than 100% of my own effort.” – J. Paul Getty

“My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.” – Jack Benny

“When we talk to God, we’re praying. When God talks to us, we’re schizophrenic.” – Jane Wagner

“Men are like shoes. Some fit better than others. And sometimes you go out shopping and there’s nothing you like. And then, as luck would have it, the next week you find two that are perfect, but you don’t have the money to buy both.” – Janet Evanovich

“According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man’s best friend is his dog.” – Jay Leno

“Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?” – Jay Leno

“My pessimism extends to the point of even suspecting the sincerity of other pessimists.” – Jean Rostand

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